Finding one’s Purpose.

I am usually hyper-excited at the beginning of the year because something in me reconnects to the world in a new way entirely and it feels sublime because I get a fresh perspective of the universe and I make a constant effort to focus on my goals for the year.

Sigh!

2018 tried to knock me down I must tell you and it was overwhelming. I had a lot of disappointments, and a massive shift of highs and lows and for a moment I felt God hand picked me and said ‘Sannom, I will shake you up this year so get ready’ – but I wasn’t . 2018 was TOUGH!!! I mean with a lot of exclamations there. I was floating and suddenly didn’t know where I belonged anymore, in between, had no bearing, frustrated, my career suddenly wasn’t taking shape like I had hoped, and I was barely struggling to keep my head above waters. I prayed ceaselessly, I cried some nights and even broke down while praying most times. On some days, I did not find the right words to speak to God because I felt I had repeated myself one time too many and was only beginning to sound like a broken record. I could not really talk to anyone because I felt they would not really understand and most especially I did not want to sound weak, oh I hate sounding vulnerable trust me.

One thing I didn’t do was give up!

Giving up is not in my book, I mean I can’t and I would not even try because I do not want to know what it feels like. I feel like my purpose in life is way beyond my comprehension and I will disappoint a lot of people including myself  and God if I decide to give up. I feel like I have so much to achieve and I am in the route to making a difference in the world and the world would be incomplete without my contribution. I feel like I am the missing puzzle in this world and I just deserve so much more than leading an ordinary life. I mean C’mon, I cannot waste all this deliciousness I possess. LOL.

So every morning I wake up and I try to forget about yesterday’s disappointment, frustration and hurt and I start all over again in renewing my faith in God and deciding to believe in his process because contrary to what I felt on such days, I know he never gets tired of hearing me and he doesn’t mind if I sound like a broken record – he is God, he doesn’t judge. And to be fair, my life was always pretty Amazing before last year and some times I felt ungrateful for complaining to God because of a setback which I should know will result to a come back!. This is just a phase, I told myself every morning.

On so many occasions I desperately wanted to write how I felt on some days but due to the rush of emotions I could hardly put them into words which resulted to what we call Writers block.

My friends were Amazing, and I even made new friends which I hardly do. That been said, this is 2019 and the journey of finding my purpose and my place on earth still continues and hopefully, this year will yield more beautiful and blooming fruits.

This is to hoping we all find our purpose in life and enjoy the magnificent wonders of God’s existence on earth. And know……..always keep it somewhere at the back of our minds that every phase is just a stage and God never gives us a cross we cannot carry therefore, DON’T STOP BELIEVING, BETTER DAYS ARE AHEAD!

Love and Light!

S.K.